Last ditch effort...

for our 2009 baby. I believe I will be ovulating this week. If I ovulate on time (cycle day 14) then my due date would be December 25th. How wonderful of a Christmas blessing would it be to get pregnant this month? Beyond words. Do I have great hope that it can happen?? Honestly... no, but I do believe in the power of prayer...so help us out! Please send us a prayer or two this week. Thank you!!!

I also want to say thank you to all who still check in on us regularly. I know my posts have gotten few and far between, but it is nice to know that there are some out there still following along. I hope one day to have a wonderful announcement for you all! :)

Oh... and check out our new baby on the right. Well, she really isn't new, but I just put her picture up over the weekend. In January we added to our furry family. Her name is Girly...and that she is! She prances around a lot and thinks she is just queen bee!

The Moments Hit Hard Sometimes

There are days-- I think I am invincible...nothing can beat me. Then there are days like today...when, man, things just hit me and my emotions take over. I am sure it was the arrival of my period...that realization that again...another month...still no blessing (at least not that are apparent to me today). It is scary...and some days...so hard to deal with.

Moving here to LA was scary for me. We essentially moved here not knowing anyone-- except G's family-- and they are over an hour away. I was blessed ( in a very big way) with great neighbors. They have become my family-- literally everything to me here-- besides G and my furbabies! During my breakdown today I started IM'ing with my neighbor. I knew she would understand this breakdown. While she has never been pained with IF-- her faith is so strong- I knew she would know just what to say to bring me through. Sure enough... she knew exactly what to say... She sent me this...

As hard as i can imagine it would be, God does have a plan in store for all of us. But i also know that he wants to bless us immensely, to provide us our hopes, dreams and goals. Ironically enough, this came through from an email i get each day:

God’s plan for your life didn't go away just because you had some disappointments, setbacks, or because somebody treated you unfairly. God didn't write you off just because you made some poor decisions. No, He knew every mistake you’d ever make; He knew every person who would wrong you, and He still called you. He still designed a perfect plan for your life. No matter what’s happened in your past, God’s plan for your good remains. He still has a bright future in store for you. If you will get your hopes back and get your vision in line with God’s Word, then the rest of your life will be the best of your life! Keep standing, keep believing, and get a vision for your future because the Lord has an amazing future in store for you!

In that moment...those typed words...whew! They really meant alot to me and gave me the clarity I needed in that exact moment.

I have been blessed in ways I dont even recognize right now. Amazing!

Not quite trained...

So I thought I had my husband fully trained as to what was and was not okay to say to me. Yesterday...I learned not.

After church yesterday morning, we decided to go out for breakfast. Here is how part of our conversation went:

G: So I will have a new chief experience coming up. (G is a Chief in the N.avy and runs a recruiting station)

M: Oh, really? What?

G: A pregnant recruiter.

M: What? Who?

G: Who do you think? I only have one female recruiter.

M: Umm... she's pregnant???? (note: she's not married either)

G: Yeah, didnt want it. Total surprise.

M: :::hold back the tears:::

Can someone explain it to me? Anyone?? I get frustrated when people say total surprise. Like did they miss the lesson in school??? Sex + no protection= possible pregnancy. How can there be a surprise?? Seems like simple math to me. I wish that simple math worked for me and so many women I know-- WHO ACTUALLY WANT IT! Needless to say... the rest of breakfast was pretty quiet. :(

Yikes! March is here already!

Holy crap! Where did February go? I just looked to see the date of my last post--February 16th...almost 3 weeks ago. Man...I've got to get with the program! ha!!

Well, February surely was a blur! It was my first real month in my new position for work. If February is any indication of my level of business in this position-- 2009 will be over before I know it! So far things are going well.

I definitely like that I am busy, but I almost feel like it takes me away from the reality of my life a little. Like the busier I am...the less I think about babies. Which should be nearly impossible considering all the babies around me. I had the honor of visiting with my "ivf driving buddy" a couple weeks ago. Her twin girls were almost 2 weeks old and absolutely perfect! Teeny tiny perfect babies. Completely beautiful. I left her house sad, but peaceful. It was a very strange range of emotion. I was sad in the sense that I couldn't help but wish I had a newborn, but a peace knowing that her struggle had been far longer than mine and she did get her happy ending. Made me feel like I know my happy ending will come some day. Some days I question that, but in the moments after our visit... I felt like I knew one day I would know that happiness.

My sister made a visit the last week in February and it was so wonderful to have her here. I always love her visits. They usually don't consist of anything too exciting, but just having her here always makes me happy! I will continue to try to get her to move here, but I don't think I will ever be successful. :(

Last week work took me to Houston. The weather was beautiful and it gave me some serious thinking time. I can think at home, but my time spent on a plane really seems to give me that concentrated thinking time. With April drawing closer...the anniversary of this blog comes closer. I started this blog with the hope that it was going to transition from a infertility blog into a baby blog. Hard to imagine that almost a year has pasted and it is still an infertility blog. So sad.

Someday.