I am getting bad at this blogging thing...

I wish I had something to blog about! Well...actually...I could blog... but I wish I had something baby related to blog about-- I guess that is more accurate! I've got nothing. Actually...I will take that back too-- I have nothing personally baby related to blog about, but I can blog about my friends babies! They are everywhere...and I am so excited for them!

Way back when... when we did our IVF...you all probably remember me saying that I had made a friend that I could ride to the clinic with. I am not sure if I ever updated that she actually got pregnant from that IVF and just last week-- she welcomed her twin girls into the world! Amazing! I have another good friend who got pregnant the same week and she is due in just 3-4 short weeks! So crazy to think that had our IVF worked...I would be due right around now. I know it is probably not healthy to think like that...but it is my reality.

I think I have gotten to a point, while I am so sad for us, I am so happy for those around us. I think there was a period of time when the idea of being happy for others was too hard. The question "why not us?" was too real. I think it is kind of like moving through stages of grief. You eventually get to a point where you start to accept the situation you are in and know that you need to make the best of it. I still pray daily that Gary and I will be blessed, but I now have a better understanding that it might not happen.

I am also going to ask for some prayers in this post too. On one of the message boards I go to we did pair ups last year-- calling ourselves-- "trouble trying to conceive sisters". Well last July my "sister" got pregnant. Last week she had a placental abrupt ion and delivered her baby boy at 33 weeks. Both mom and baby are doing well... but Baby "Trip" is tiny-- 2lbs. 15oz. If you have a prayer to spare-- please say one for Kelly and Trip.

So...it's been a while

I feel like I have several posts with this title! I seem to go through ebs and flows of having things to write about.

Thing here have been busy. I officially started my new job role last Monday. This prompted a trip to Houston for training. I am really excited about the new position-- nervous, but excited! I feel like I am in a situation where I am terrified that I am getting in over my head. I was asked to take on this position-- I didn't really interview for it. So while I feel good that my company has confidence in me that I can handle the new job...I in a way feel like I have faked them out...like I am a good actress or something. Such a scary place to be! I am terrified of failing or not being able to handle it. Oh...and did I mention that this was a created position...I am the only one in it. So I feel like I am a trial and error case too. Anyway... so things have been busy. I have not unloaded my old responsibilities either...so my workload is pretty big right now! But I will make it through!

Gary is busy with work as well! Things in the recruiting world seem to be steady these days. I think this economy is really helping! In fact... Gary has been faced with issues they have never seen-- people are not getting out of the military...so recruiting is running out of jobs for the kids to pick from. It's so strange! At this point... it is like someone needs to get out in order for another to go in. So that has been a challenge!

On the baby front...things have been quiet. We are just coming around again to start thinking about what we might want to do next. I feel like I really needed all those months off of thinking about it. It has been a much needed break. Unfortunately we were not so lucky to get a break positive, but that's okay. At this point, we really don't know what direction we want to go. We have completely put it in God's hands and are going to let him lead the way.

I am hoping I can get back into the blogging on a more regular basis. Although it probably wont be baby related...I do really enjoy writing!

Good Message

I have gotten 2 good messages this week that I wanted to share. No real update on us... just things to think about and remember.

Quote:
'To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.' When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.
'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.' Something good will happen to you today; something that you have been waiting to hear.

This video-- what a message!

Happy 2009!

It's a new year! Time to start fresh! I woke up this morning to crisp air and LOTS of sunshine! What better way to start new year? I cant think of one! Gary and I had a quiet night at home last night. We rang in the new year with some wine (Captain and coke for Gary), a couple of movies, a to die for dinner, a little snooze from 11:15-11:45 (hehe...I am old!) and a champagne toast and kiss at midnight! It was really really nice! Now that I am older I realize how wonderful it is to wake up on New Years Day without a hangover. Seems for years that was the goal...how smashed can you get and how awful can you feel on day 1 of the next year. Those days are long gone and I love it!

As for the annual new years resolution... I have given this some thought. Seems every year...I make a resolution and within a few days I break it. Not a good way to start a new year. So this year... I have decided to make one resolution...one resolution that will play out how ever it needs to for me--but doesn't have a HUGE guilt tag associated with it if I end up not being perfect. My resolution---- To stop allowing our fertility challenges and my traveling for work to be an excuse to not take care of myself. Seems for the past year I have been using our fertility challenges and my inconsistent schedule as an excuse to not exercise, be unhealthy and eat less than optimal. I am done with that. 2009 is my year to focus on myself and my health. I will have my ups and I will have my downs...but that is okay.

I am worried a little about 2009-- I will be honest. I have this immense fear that an entire year will go by again and we still will be without child. I pray (daily) that this isn't the case. I pray that God blesses Gary and I with a baby in 2009. I pray that our timeline and God's timeline falls in line. For all those that pray for us...thank you! I wish everyone a happy, healthy 2009! Let this be a WONDERFUL year!

Merry Christmas

I know I am a few days late, but with the traveling and all...not easy to update the blog.

Ahh...the joys of coming home after being away. Gary and I had a WONDERFUL trip to CT. For me... just the idea of 5 days of spending time with my family, relaxing and visiting-- makes me so happy! I was really looking forward to Christmas Eve-- that is our big family get together! It definately did not disappoint! Yummy food, yummy drinks and LOTS of laughs!

Me and my Memere

Gary and I in front of the tree

Hanging out with the cousins

Family photo opportunity

Christmas day for us-- nice and quiet! Over the years our Christmas day has evolved into a relax at home day. We used to do the big family thing on Christmas day too, but since my cousin's and I have grown older and gotten married and had kids... our parents have opted for hanging home together as a family.

Our standard Christmas morning photo

This Christmas my mother and I decided to go see a movie... the boys... they stayed home. We went and saw Mar.ley and M.e. Wow. That is all I will say. Good movie. VERY sad. Cried a ton. If you have a dog and you cant imagine your life without him (like me)... be very careful. I was a sobbing mess. My mother was a sobbing mess and she is not even a fan of dogs. Nuff said!

Then we headed home and hit the bottle. Hehehe...that sounds bad but seriously...check it out! This bottle of wine was given to Gary and I in 2002 when we got engaged. The family I used to nanny for gave it to us. Needless to say...this isnt exactly a bottle of wine that you just open on a Friday night. We *thought* it was a bottle we could milk on for a few days... umm...yeah... try 1. Ha! We 4 wine drinkers in the house... the bottle went down nicely! :)

Other than that... our visit was quiet! On Friday, Gary and I hit the casino for some afternoon gambling-- we lost. :( I got to do some shopping with my mom on Saturday... love it! Gary and I spent Saturday night hanging out with my cousin, her hubby and my sister watching the UFC fight. It was a great time!

Despite a delay leaving Newar.k yesterday... we were happy to get home last night!

Oh it has been a while!

So, it has been a while since I last post-- almost 3 weeks to be exact! The whirlwind of the holidays has really sucked me in and I have completely lost all sense of time! Hard to believe today we are half way through December already! That means in 16 days- 2008 will be over! Wow! Seriously-- where has this year gone?

News on the baby front... not much to report. Gary and I are now praying that 2009 will be our year. It really is scary going into another year unsure if it is "the" year. I am terrified to think

about the idea that 1 year from now...I could be sitting at my computer...reflecting back on my year and saying the words..."Gary and I are hoping 2010 is our year." I pray to God that is not the case. While I know 2009 will be busy and we will have a lot going on our desire to have a baby is stronger than ever! Being parents is our #1 priority and goal. I have recently been promoted at work and I am excited about it, and I know all too well that you need to live life for today, I cant help but wonder how my promotion will affect our efforts to have a baby. I will likely have to do more traveling and hopefully I can manage that schedule with any Dr. appts. we might have. I guess if there is one thing I have learned this year-- it is amazing what can happen in a year!

I am anxiously awaiting the holidays! I am so excited for Christmas this year-- it is almost ridiculous! Gary and I are traveling to CT for the holidays! We haven't been with my family for Christmas since 2004! That seems SO long ago! It was! 2005 and 2006 Gary and I spent Christmas alone in Washingt.on trying to make our own holiday traditions. I think in 2005 that equated to having a couple of the single sail.ors on Gary's boat over and for dinner- having turkey and ribs! ha! 2006 was really quiet...we made dinner and watched the movie The Fam.ily Sto.ne (LOVE that movie-cry ever time!). Last year, of course we spent Christmas with Gary's family. It was the first time I ever spent Christmas with them and I think for Gary-- it had been 8 or so years! It was nice. Watching our nieces open their presents was the highlight. This year though... YAY!! we will be with my family! Christmas eve is our big get together and I love every minute. I think Christmas day will be quiet! Just the way I like it!!

Oh... I was just about to sign off, but I have the TV on and on the To.day Show they are giving an update on the Cayl.ee An.thony case-- makes me sick. How could someone do something so horrific? There is NO doubt in my mind her mother had something to do with it. So I pose the question-- Why can a monster have a baby and we cant? Just awful. My thoughts and prayers are with those that actually loved and tried to protect that little girl.

That is all for now... If I don't post again before next week--
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!

When it rains- it pours...

Found out today (yes-- all today) that 3 (count them 1, 2, 3!) friends are expecting. Very excited for them...very sad for us.

Pouring myself a BIG ol' glass of wine! Pity party for 1 please!

Giving Thanks...

I know I haven't blogged in a while...I have been crazy busy with work and quite honestly haven't had much to write about. Our vacation seems like a lifetime ago! I had 2 back to back weeks of traveling for work and thankfully this is a short holiday week!

Hard to believe it is Thanksgiving already! This year has gone by faster than I can even think about. I had lunch yesterday with my IVF "carpool buddy" (who I now call my friend) and we were talking about how she is 6 months along already! 6 months! Honestly, it seems like last month I was making the 1.5 hour trek to the Dr.

Although my tone in much of this blog has not been one of thanksgiving...I am extremely thankful for the year I have had! This has been my year of learning and growing. I have learned so much about myself and about the strength of my relationship with my husband, family and friends. I am beyond thankful that I have the support system that I have! I have learned about myself and what I can and can not handle-- these lessons have been invaluable!

We are staying close to home this year for the holiday-- hosting Gary's entire family! I am excited and nervous-- 11 people will be sitting down at the same time to eat! YIKES! Thankfully I will not be stressing over a turkey-- Granny is bringing that! Phew! To me-- making the side dishes is easy and actually something I quite enjoy-- so I am looking forward to it! I will make one dessert today (pumpkin cheesecake) and the other tomorrow (pecan pie)-- so it will be good to have those out of the way!

I wish you all a happy and safe Thanksgiving!

Seriously????

The pregnant man is pregnant again...

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=6244878&page=1

Seriously? :(

Ahh...Mexico!!

Wow! What a wonderful week!! Having waited for this trip for months, I had very high expectations. I wanted to relax, relax and do more relaxing. Safe to say... my expectations were met.

The week leading up to our vacation was anything but relaxing. The Navy through us a curve ball and changed the date of Gary's audit at the last minute. This caused me to have to spend an hour on the phone with the airline trying to figure out how to change Gary's ticket. It was a mess. Thankfully Gary was able to come...2 days late...but he made it! We had a wonderful time. We got to spend some quality time with good friends, relax our butts off, enjoy the sun and warm weather and see some of the sites of Mexico. It was a perfect vacation!

Here are some picutres~~~