Thinking Transformation...

I have realized that I have done a lot of growing in the past 6 months or so. In the past 6 months- I have started reading other peoples blogs- almost on a daily basis. The types of blogs I read vary-- some are just basic blogs of friends, some are cooking blogs, many are infertility blogs, some are life after infertility blogs and some are more morbid- about death of babies or spouses.

I have learned from each one. I continually learn how funny some of my friends (or friends husbands) are. I learn how to make the perfect banana bread. I learned that I will have a table full of drugs to inject into my body here in a few weeks. I have learned about the challenges of having triplets. I have learned about heartache from losing babies after having them become part of your family. And I have learned strength from a now single dad who tragically lost his wife 27 hours after his baby was born.

I had a some what deep conversation (over instant messenger) yesterday with a friend/co-worker and we were discussing how your thinking changes. By reading about what other people are going through- by witnessing their very open and raw emotion-- it changes your own thinking. It forces you to reflect on your own life and think about how you deal with the "challenges and struggles" that you have and sets a new level of appreciation for what you have.

While I do think that I lived in denial for years about how difficult it would be for Gary and I to get pregnant, I think that realization of my denial (mom- you were there...think back to our Dallas trip) has made me a stronger, less naive person. I am beyond thankful that we have the opportunity to try IVF to conceive. I will not be naive and say that I am 100% positive it will work-- because I am not. But just having this awesome opportunity will be a learning experience and I pray each night that it ends positively (maybe 2 times over ;) ).
I also received a "forward" this week from my dear neighbor about thinking positively. Now generally I don't really read forwards, but the subject line got me...so I read it. Made me think and some what prompted me to write this morning:

When your hut's on fire
The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him. Every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions. One day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with smoke rolling up to the sky. He felt the worst had happened, and everything was lost. He was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger. He cried out, "God! How could you do this to me?" Early the next day, he was awakened by the sound of a ship approaching the island! It had come to rescue him! "How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers. "We saw your smoke signal," they replied.

The Moral of This Story: It's easy to get discouraged when things are going bad, but we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of our pain and suffering. Remember that the next time your little hut seems to be burning to the ground. It just may be a smoke signal that summons the Grace of God.