So I am back from my week long trip to NJ. Meetings were long and somewhat exhausting but what can be expected??
I read alot of other women's blogs and a lot of message boards. One trend that I often see among others who are having trouble trying to conceive is this uncontrollable emotion around the news of "others" getting pregnant or the sight of pregnant bellies. I will fully admit-- I have questioned myself a time or two on how it makes me feel to find out someone is pregnant or question myself on the decision to have dinner with a very pregnant friend. I sadly almost think I was forcing myself to question b/c it seemed that that was what I was supposed to do. I have been trying for so long so it "should" upset me that I have had 12 friends/ family members in the 4 years I have been trying get pregnant--get pregnant (some twice). It "should" upset me that I have friends who planned out "when" they were going to get pregnant- AND it worked! It "should" upset me that people who don't know about our struggles say ignorant things-- without knowing. Now I don't think I would be human if I didn't feel a little sting when these situations happen, but I do think I have been forcing myself to feel stabbed by these situations. Based on where we stand with our journey and my faith--that has changed!
With my trip to NJ came the knowledge that I would be with a pregnant co-worker for 3 days. On my plane ride up I was thinking about how it would make me feel to look at her pregnant belly for the next couple days. Was it going to upset me? Was I going to want to break into tears at the sight of how cute she looked? Was I going to avoid looking? I decided NO to all of those! I am beyond thrilled for her-- and why shouldn't I be? Why should our troubles to conceive interrupt my excitement and happiness for others? What kind of person would that make me? It would make me a person I don't want to be-- so I will fight it!
Well, unexpectedly-- there was not just 1 baby belly, but there were 2! Wasn't really prepared for that...but I think that my revalation on my plane ride set me up good! The second baby belly was of another co-worker who I had last seen in November. Back then it was my first time meeting her. I remember she and I having a conversation about her 3 year old daughter and how she said that they would probably start trying for their 2nd soon. Well- I learned this trip that that was her way of saying she was 9 weeks along but not telling anyone! ha!
I looked at both of these co-workers over the past week with awe. I am SO excited! The thought of soon having a belly where you know there is a life growing inside-- i cant explain it. I cant explain how it will make me feel to know that all this time of waiting is finally over and in a few months we will welcome our own baby into the world. Some may think I am jumping the gun since I am not even pregnant yet-- but I have to be positive...I have to know this will work.
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14 comments:
I'm really inspired by your strength to fight all of the negativity. I too was reaching a place where I was happy for my pregnant friends and coworkers...but then after we did get pregnant and lost our baby...I feel like I've taken 100 steps backwards. It isn't that I'm not happy for all of them...but seeing their bellies or new babies just reminds me too much of what I had and what was taken away from me. I hope someday soon I can be strong like you...and start to feel that happiness again.
I admire your attitude and love your optimism. I hope that you get what you deserve very soon. I have always enjoyed reading your blog.
Via NaComLeavMo...
I love your attitude, it speaks volumes for your strength of character and makes you a really generous person. I hope that if I was ever in the same situation I'd feel the same.
I applaud your ability to be happy for others who are PG. It is something I often struggle with (I think I've blogged about it myself). While I wish others well with their PG, it simply saddens me each time I see a PG belly. Next time I see one, I'm going to think of your positive outlook and try to see things from that perspective!
I think it is really awesome that you are able to be truly happy for your friends/family who are pregnant! That says a lot about your character.
I find that my feelings towards pregnant people are highly dependent on who the person is, how they treat me, and what stage I'm at in my cycle/TTC process. So this week with these people might have been ok, but make sure you allow yourself to know that it's ok if it's harder with different people or at a different time!
I wish you tons of luck and hope you get your own baby belly soon!
fantastic attidude! I can honeslty say I am not like that very often! I am better now, after 2 years of ttc, but the pregnancy annoucements still sting. So way to go! I think you will also be sporting a cute belly soon!
hi. I am stopping over from NaComLeavMo. Your post is great. When I was ttc I mostly felt that way, unless I was in the middle of an especially nasty hormonal cycle. Clomid did really bad things to me. Anyway, I am sending happy baby thoughts your way as you begin your cycle.
So exciting to hear you are starting your cycle, best of luck!!!
NaComLeavMo.
wow that is amazing that you are happy and unaffected by the bellies.
I'm not, and it's not jealousy, or it's not that I'm not happy for them, it's a reminder of what I may never have.
Hope you get your belly soon.
I'm here from NaComLeavMo also, and I think your attitude is wonderful. You don't HAVE to feel unhappy or resentful, or anything other than encouraged by seeing others who are pregnant. For me, it wasn't resentment but a "why not me also?" feeling. It was definitely tough to feel that way, and I wish I'd had the strength to have the same outlook as you do. The best of luck to you as you pursue your dream of having a child!
What a wonderful attitude you have! Before kids I was upset by pg bellies and my heart ached when I saw babies. But I never threw myself into bed or recoiled from society. Then I lost my youngest's twin at 18 weeks and everything went out the window. Now a year after his birth I can only sometimes talk about it without crying. Good luck this cycle!
Thanks for the post. I have been struggling with my emotions of others pg. It's not that I'm not happy for them, it's that I am saddened that for every one there is, it deepends the fact that something is "wrong" with us. I liked your positive thinking and perspective and I'm going to try to be more like you on this issue.
Great attitude! I admire your positive thinking as it can be so hard sometimes. I think that your optimism will get you through this (hopefully soon rather than later).
Wow! Very inspiring. I know that this is MUCH easier said than done, so I applaud you for putting your mind to it and preparing yourself. Sometimes it's the surprise factor that can be the worst.
I'm working on handling all of this with GRACE. I say that to myself all the time.
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