Now that I have had a couple days to digest the fact that we are not pregnant... I have realized I am really sad. I was laying in bed last night and Gary and I started talking. I think it was the first time I had thought about the fact that I really wasn't pregnant. It was like I realized... I am not going to be 18 weeks along when we go to Mexico for our 5 year anniversary in November, I am not going to be pregnant over the holidays and I am not due on March 18th like that "estimated due date" calculator told me I would be. These were thoughts that I had thought about almost daily since we started the whole IVF process in April. I am a planner by nature so of course I had thought ahead about every moment the rest of this year holds and thought about how it would feel b/c I would be pregnant. And now here I sit on July 14th... and I am not. SUCKS!
The thing that I was thinking about last night that made me so sad--I want a baby/ a child made up of me and Gary. ME and GARY! Sure we could adopt, sure we could use donor sperm, but neither of those options include both parts of us. That makes me sad beyond belief. This wasn't supposed to be so difficult.
Guess I am just feeling a bit frustrated this morning! And it's Monday. Uugghh. I need to call and try to talk to the Dr. today. I think we played phone tag last week. I kinda feel like I tried to avoid calling him on Friday-- almost like I don't want to hear the words he is going to tell me. I need the info... but I don't want it. I really hate this.
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2 comments:
I'm so sorry. You have every right to be sad. I remember always having two visions of all future events -- one if I was pg and one if I was not. I hope that you get some answers from the doc. (((HUGS)))
I'm so very sorry. It really sucks month after month. Hang in there.
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