Moments of Doubt and Worry

So the morning has been pretty rough. Through this entire process I have tried really really hard to keep a positive attitude. Today, I am really struggling with staying positive.
While I know it is still early, I am 8 days past my transfer and I tested negative this morning.

Broke my heart.

Again, I know it is still early, but when you read as much as I do on the Internet, you learn things that can cause doubt. It seems most see a + around day 7 or 8. I have read a few people say they didn't get their + until day 9, 10 or 11, but most seem to be earlier than that.

When I get into a situation like this-- where I have put so much of my heart and soul into something-- it takes everything of me emotionally. I cried for hours this morning. Pulled it together long enough to go to church. Came home, Gary was awake, sobbed again for a good half hour. I am just terrified we have put all we have into this and we are going to be disappointed. I know-- not a positive outlook, but I am tired. Being positive is hard sometimes and I am exhausted.

I think the hardest part of this morning was that I had a dream this morning. I dreamt I took a test and it was positive. So I took another test and that one was positive too. And then I took a digital and that test was positive too. When I woke up-- I thought it was real and I was pregnant. Then I realized it was a dream and I still had to get up and pee and test. So I did. My test wasn't positive. Almost like having your dreams crushed.

I have not given up all hope yet-- I am still praying tomorrow I wake up, test and see those beautiful pink lines appear. I am also praying that my friend/carpool buddy has the miracle of seeing those beautiful pink lines too (maybe she already has???? :) )!!