A constant test

This entire process seems like a constant test. Being tested to see how much we can handle. We are tested emotional, physically, financially and spiritually. Some tests are easier than others. Some tests once complete are like a victory. Some test are so challenging we want to give up. Some tests rock us to the core.

This entire process has been the biggest challenge of my life! Everyday I am amazed that I have been able to get through it-- and kept my sanity (which Gary may argue with!). Gary has been my rock through this- my voice of reason! Without him- this experience would not have been as "easy".

These are some of the thoughts I have pondered on over the past couple days. Laying around not being able to do much gives much time for reflection. Uugghh... bed rest alone has been a test! One that I am happy to say is over!

Next test... stay patient and wait out the next couple weeks until my blood test. This may the most difficult of all!

And now our babies bake...

We had our 3 day transfer today. I was extremely nervous when the call came at 9:15 this morning. My nerves have certainly been getting the best of me. I was wide awake at 3am...watching a cheesy Lindsey Lohan movie- "Just My Luck". If you haven't seen it... unless you need something to put you back to sleep at 3am...I don't really recommend it. Put me back to sleep for a couple hours, but not for long...I was walking into Walmart this morning at 7am. I figured if I was going to be a nervous wreck- I might as well get my grocery shopping done while Walmart was empty. Actually I wanted to buy Pomegranate juice and Walmart has the best prices so that was really my motivation to go to Walmart so early.

So anyway... about our embies! First embryo's are graded at our clinic on a scale of 1-5-- 1 being the best. The embryos are graded based on how fast they are splitting, how their cell shape looks and how many cells they have. At this point-- 3 days past retrieval-- we want the embryos to be 8 cells-- that means they are splitting on track. So the Dr. told us we had one 8-cell Grade 1 embryo, one 8-cell Grade 2, one 7-cell Grade 2, and a few 6-cell Grade 3's. We were thrilled to hear that we had at least one perfect Grade 1 and an above average Grade 2. Huge sigh of relief! The Dr. told us that the grade 3's seemed to be fragmenting negatively--so that is why they had us come in for the 3 day transfer.

The actual procedure took about 20 minutes or so. Slightly uncomfortable but nothing too bad. The Valium I popped prior to going in probably helped with that! Thankfully Gary was allowed to be in the room with me and held my hand the whole time.

So now we sit and wait and hope our babies get cozy! 48 hours of bed rest will hopefully help with that! Gary is fully ready to wait on me hand and foot!! Yay! I have my stock pile of magazines and the remote close by!

10 still going strong...

Got our call from the nurse this afternoon. She said we still had 10 embryos--thank God! She did say the Dr. sounded like he was leaning towards a 3 day transfer--- so tomorrow will likely be our day! We should expect to get a call around 9 or so and we will head over.
Positive thoughts and prayers are greatly appreciated for our babies!! I consider myself and Gary parents already and in 9 months we will be welcoming our baby (or babies) into the world!
I will keep you posted after our transfer...

Fertilized Report is in!!!

So just got off the phone with the nurse...
Of our 21 eggs, 15 were mature and of those 15, 10 fertilized!! I am so happy! But I am fully aware that we are not out of the dark yet and there is always a chance that some of those 10 can drop off.

Please pray that our embies stay strong and keep on growing!!!

If all goes well-- we will have our transfer either on Saturday or on Monday...but I wont know until Saturday morning.

I will keep you all posted!

Blackjack!!!

Well, just got back from the egg retrieval a little bit ago! Overall I feel pretty good---slept most of the way home because I was feeling a little queasy.

So...reason my entry is titled blackjack??? We got 21! 21 eggs!!! YAY! I am beyond thrilled!! Of course we know not all will be mature and even less will actually fertilized, but having 21 to start greatly increases our odds! We are really excited!

So I am going to lay low for the rest of the night since I am still pretty achy and I will post our fertilized report when I get the call tomorrow!

Thank you all for you thoughts, prayers and well wishes! They mean a lot to me!

Triggering Tonight!!!

This makes it all seem real. Time has flown by so fast and I honestly cant believe we are at this point already! I am beyond excited...but scared and nervous at the same time!

Wednesday will be our day!

***Edit- Since a lot of have asked-- I figured I would clarify here-- when I say "triggering" what I was refering to was a shot that triggers my ovaries to release my eggs. :) I worked!!! See my post above! ;)

This WEEK!!!

Oh.my.gosh!!! Can I just tell you... time has flown by! It is so hard to believe that almost 10 weeks ago... I posted my first entry. Now here we are! Unreal and SO exciting!!! I am feeling extremely positive and hopeful that this week is it-- the week I get knocked up! (I know not the most appropriate term, but sounds funny when I say it to Gary!!)

I wanted to show you all a picture of my good luck cake to Gary. I have been taking a cake decorating class for the past 3 weeks and so we are pretty "caked out". Since I started the class I have been making white cakes since that is what the teacher had suggested--for frosting ease. Well, Gary likes chocolate-- so yesterday afternoon-- I decide to change it up a bit and make him a chocolate cake. Then I decided to be corny...

Get it? Took Gary a second... ha!!

Yay! 3 more!!

Went for a check up today-- turn out good! I now have 12 follies-- measuring between 15 and 9--so the Dr. thinks I am in good shape! I will go back on Monday for another check up...hopefully these follies keep growing and maturing!!

I am starting to bruise up pretty bad from the injections. Not fun or attractive to look at... poor Gary! Thankfully after (hopefully) Monday when I trigger I will be done with these injections! I will have to start progesterone in oil injections (PIO)...but that is just 1 and in my bum. I have heard not so good things about the PIO--long needles, hurt, leave bruises, etc... so I am not out of pain quite yet! Of course, I am sure this is nothing compared to labor...so I am just prepping myself-- right??? :)

Praying for more eggs...

Went for blood work and an ultrasound this morning! Went pretty good! Dr. says I have 9 eggs as of right now. He said it was good. I was hoping for many more than that! I asked him if I could release more-- he said I would probably end up with about 9 or 10. I know I need to stay positive and know that 9 is a good number, but I will ask everyone to say a little prayer that I release a couple more. I would love 12 or 15! :)

I keep having these moments of... I cant believe it is almost time already! I still feel like it was just yesterday that we went in for our consult! I called Gary yesterday and told him he was "knocking me up" in a week... he laughed... then said-- I cant believe it is next week already. Time really has flown by!

I got to carpool to the clinic today-- it was great! I will admit...I was a little nervous...riding for 3 hours with a complete stranger. But honestly... I was quite comfortable with her. We chatted the whole time...had some good laughs... made the 200 mile trip much more enjoyable! And...I saved $50! Yay!!

Also... bought my mommy mobile over the weekend!! Yay! I am so excited! We traded my car in for a 2008 Nissan Pathfinder! I think it is going to be the perfect family vehicle-- with room for Tanner too!!

Happy Birthday to Tammy too!! Wish I was in CT to celebrate with you!

Jinx

So I think I jinxed myself with my last post about how my tummy was sore. Not soon after I posted did the clinic call and tell me I needed to up my dosing AND that I have to split the doses to morning and evening injections! Great... 2 added injections per day! I really am going to run out of room!

In light of trying to stay positive...I know this is all for a good cause! I know that in 3 weeks when I pee on that stick and see 2 lines...it will have all been worth it! Each and every needle stick I endure will be in effort of a miracle!!

I am also happy to say that I have found a car pool buddy! As I have posted before my clinic is an hour and a half from my house...aka $70 in gas! So when I went in on Monday for my 30 seconds of blood work-- i mentioned to the nurse how great it would be to know someone from my town who was cycling with me. She said they actually had a couple ladies from my town. So I gave the nurse my number and told her that if anyone came in on Monday from my town and was also going in the day of my next appointment to give them my number and if they were interested in carpooling to give me a call. Sure enough... Monday afternoon-- I got a call. So on Thursday I will be riding to my appt. with a complete stranger! Ha! Seems strange...but in reality she and I already have something bonding us together--INFERTILITY! I look forward to hearing her story! (hopefully she will want to share)

My tummy is sore...

I am only on day 3 of "3 a days" and my tummy is already very sore. My "3 a days" you ask? Well that would be my 5 units of Lupron, 5oiu of Follistim and 75iu of Repronex. Good stuff huh? I have 3 injections for the next 8 days-- I think I am going to run out of space!! I have been favoring my left side because it seemed to hurt less on that side, but now that side is sore. I will have to move back to the right side tonight and give the left a chance to heal.

I went for blood work today! Waiting for the clinic to call and let me know how I am responding to the meds so far. Right now I am stimulating my ovaries. Word on the street is I will probably get very bloated and really feel my ovaries working. Generally I can feel when I am ovulating so I am expecting this is going to be like ovulation on steroids--aka- not fun!

Father's Day

I woke up with one thought this morning... please let this be the last Father's Day that Gary has to get a card from only the dog! I pray that next father's day we have the opportunity to get up as a family and celebrate!

As for my dad-- he is the best! I know he doesn't read my blog, but I thought I would pay tribute to him today!

This picture is he and I in Victoria, British Columbia. I am pretty sure--when I think back to this moment--we were in "make up" mode. I think we had just had some little tiff about something to do with the restaurant we were in. I cant remember all the details-- but I am glad to see how big we are smiling... true daddy's little girl love!!

Quiet and Slow

So things for the past few days have been pretty quiet-- meaning-- not much to report! I have been doing my nightly injections of lupron. Like I said a few posts back-- it hasn't been to bad. I have actually been giving the injections to myself. Gary was out of town for a night over the weekend--so I had no choice. Sunday night--he made me bleed-- so I have cut him out of the process. I don't think I hurt his feelings!! :)
Went for a check up today-- blood work and ultrasound. The ultrasound looked good-- no cysts! I don't think I have ever had a cyst so it wasn't a real big surprise. I learned how to do my next round of meds-- Follistim and Repronex. So I wait for the call this afternoon (blood work results) and I will start the new meds on Saturday. That will be 3 injections per day-- my poor tummy!
All in all I am feeling pretty good. Slightly more moody and emotional than normal, but I guess that is to be expected. If Gary can make it through the whirlwind of my mood then I think we should be in great shape!!
On one of the message boards I frequently read there have been a ton of BFP (big fat positives) lately-- so I am hoping that is a good sign. Not that their BFP's have anything to do with me... but I will grasp at straws if I have to!!

Tagged Again

I have been tagged again! This time by Shawna:

Here are the rules:The rules of the game get posted at the beginning. Each player answers the questions about themselves. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5-6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.

1. What was I doing 10 years ago? I was still in college at Plymouth State College. Actually-in June of 1998 I was nannying in Watch Hill, RI for a great family. Nannying at the beach gave me a couple of WONDERFUL summers. It was definitely hard work, but I had great friends with me, made some great friends and had some fun experiences!!

2. Five things on my to do list for today. 1. Hang the pictures back on my wall in my living room(I painted yesterday), 2. do some laundry, 3. get to the gym, 4. make dinner for me and my hubby, and 5. Watch the season premiere of Army Wives!!! (so excited!!)

3. Snacks I enjoy. TLC Mediterranean crackers with laughing cow cheese, carrots with hummus, peanut butter toast with banana, popcorn

4. Things I would do if I was a billionaire. A couple things: Try to help fund finding the cure for cancer, Adopt some babies, Travel the world! There is so much I would love to see if I had an endless bank account! I would also shop my heart out!! :)

5. Places I have lived. CT, NH, RI, WA and now LA

My meme

I have been tagged by VA Blondie for a meme. Description below:

The meme originated over an idea that was prompted by the book written by Larry Smith & Rachel Fershleiser, Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six Word Memoirs by Writers Famous & Obscure. It's a compilation based on the story that Hemingway once bet ten dollars that he could sum up his life in six words. His words were, "For Sale: Baby Shoes, Never Worn."

1. Write your own six word memoir.
2. Post it to your blog including a visual illustration if you would like.

3. Link to the person who tagged you in your post and to this original post.

4. Tag 5 more blogs with links
5. Don't forget to leave a comment in the tagged blogs with an invitation to play.

My six word memoir:

Daughter, Sister, Wife, Friend, Wannabe Mom

I tag:

1. His Eyes and My Nose

2. Nit

3. Maybe Baby

4. We're Barren, How 'bout You?

5. Baby Step

Lupron Straight Up Please!

That is how I roll these days...It wasn't so bad. I have been fretting about these abdominal injections, but I have to say... when all was said and done. It wasn't so bad!

I think Gary enjoyed it a little too much though! :)

Daddy Instincts

I meant to post this over the weekend and forgot. I have to just tell you how cute Gary was at the baseball game on Friday night and how I know he is going to be an awesome daddy.

So our seats on Friday night were in row 8 along the third base line-- prime target place for speeding foul balls. About 20 minutes before the game starts an older woman comes and sits in front of us. She had several bags with her and puts them in a couple of the other seats-- we figured she had others with her. A little bit later a younger girl and an older man join her (assuming her husband and daughter). Her daughter has a young baby in a swaddler. Now generally I would think nothing of this. Gary looks at me, looks at the girl and shakes his head. He leans over to me and says-- "This is a very bad place to be sitting with a baby-- what is wrong with people?" I thought it was so cute that his first thought was about the safety of the baby! His protective instincts are there... and the baby wasn't even his!

Thankfully, the only time a foul ball came in our direction... the mother and baby were already gone.

Ovary Check, Baseball and Window Shopping- Does it get better??

What a great weekend we had! Seriously... I wish every weekend was a 3 day weekend!

Our weekend started off on Friday. We were heading to Arlington, TX to watch Texas Rangers baseball. Anyone who knows my hubby knows that a majority of his life revolves around sports! On any given night of the week the sound of baseball on TV echos through our house. He literally watches it almost every night! So this weekend was our first trip to the Ballpark in Arlington to watch a couple games. (I will fully admit- I have come to really enjoy baseball!!--but please don't tell my hubby ;) )


On our way out we stopped in Shreveport for my blood work and mock transfer appointment. It went great! Took far less time than I had expected. Basically the Dr. did his thing to measure and route his map for the actual egg transfer. He told me my ovaries looked great and because of this he was going to save us a trip this week! Yay!! I wont lie-- being able to save the $60 in gas it takes to get there and back-- a wonderful thing!! Because we were not going to be making the trip out there this week they had to show us how to do the injections. I have to say-- now that they showed us how to do it-- I am not as worried. I still don't think the pain of nightly injections will be fun, but the actual process doesn't seem like it will be so bad! Hallelujah!!!


After our appt. we made the 3.5 hour drive to Arlington! The weather was absolutely gorgeous this weekend! On the hotter side (mid 90's and 70% humidty), but not a cloud in the sky. Perfect weather for 2 night baseball games. We had great seats and a great time!

While we were in the Dallas area we took advantage of being able to browse in a "nice" mall-- so we headed to the Dallas Galleria. Nice stores-- great for lots of browsing! The only thing we purchased... candy apples! :) Rocky Mountain Chocolate Company has the best! The most unhealthy way to eat an apple- but a total treat!

Today we made our way home! We were so anxious to see Tanner. We talked about him all weekend! He spent the 2 nights across the street at our neighbors (Thanks Rachelle!). They have a 6 month old Rottie puppy who is a total ball of energy. Tanner was pooped when we picked him up. This has been his position since he came home... Poor thing...tough being a doggie! :)I will say...I think he has the right idea! I am beat and ready to head to bed!

All in all...this was a great weekend before the madness of our IVF life begins! Bring it on! :)